SHARING IS SEXY !

2011-10-05T23:56:00.006+08:00

No need to revenge. Just sit and wait.

Those who hurt you will

eventually screw up themselves

and if you're lucky,

God will let you watch.

Let Me Have It,

2011-08-25T22:57:00.012+08:00

Hello peeps,

I am searching for any of Digivice from this picture. If you guys know or selling this, please PM me :)

I really wanted it damn bad. Thank you so much.

#SIGH, when I can get it. Haih, -.-"

Only you,

2011-08-25T22:13:00.005+08:00

I hope you will feel the same.

There will never be another you. You loved me for who I was, I will NEVER be as comfortable around someone as I am with you. I can be myself around you. You don’t care what I wear, but you compliment me on it anyways, even if I just woke up. You still think it's beautiful.

You don’t care that I steal the blankets at night, I’ll keep you warm even if I do. You don’t care that I have far from perfect teeth, you think my smile is perfect. You don’t care that I would rather wear sweats than most things, you say I look cute in them.

You let me talk like a little baby, you let me tell stupid jokes, you let me bubbling on you and laugh with you for hours and hours and hours. You let me sleep way too close to you if I’m scared.

You let me be me.

and I can promise you there will never ever be someone that is as perfectly made for me as you are.

Faulty,

2011-07-23T11:25:00.004+08:00

Hello hello,

I guess something wrong happened on my #twitter today. I don't know it just me or everyone having a same problem as me today. Try to look at my following and followers down here. Awesome right? HAHA.

Mind with your own shit please :)

Just Who I Am,

2011-07-20T21:54:00.003+08:00

Hello,

A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about you and for sure it all about me.

Letters are kinda weird to write, especially if the person I’m addressing them to is myself.

I love my hair when it’s straightened just right, because it actually feels and looks healthy. Appearance is easy to manipulate, so I can’t say I love anything else about mine.

Personality-wise, I love how strong I’ve gotten. Being in a life that is less economically developed than what I’m used to be a student now, it has been a little difficult to maintain a lifestyle, as there aren’t nearly as many options. But I’m doing it, without second-guessing my values, not even for a second. I’ve also turned down any pressure from my friends and family to break edge, even if it meant that I’d be the only sober one – which it usually does. But even more importantly, I’m finally getting the strength to begin realizing what my main priority is – "myself". I’m getting better at shutting out people who stand in the way of my happiness. I’m not good at it, but I have been improving.

I also love some of the choices I’ve made in the past year. I’ve learned to cope with some of my self-esteem issues, and my tendencies to conceal them have become rarer. I’m more open about it now, I think, and it’s made me respect myself more. So I’ve let go of my self-destructive vices by not doing certain things that had said effects on me, emotionally.

I love the phrase when Lady Gaga said,

"I'm beautiful in my way, 'cause God makes no mistakes, I'm on the right track baby, I was BORN this way"

So, I just being who I am supposed to be. I’m a loser and I have no friends, but I happy with my life now.

*HAHA, I'm lied.

Time,

2011-07-07T00:32:00.006+08:00

Continuing this war with myself,

I feel like my happiness is only ever temporary. I feel happy for hours or days at a time, depending on who I’m with and what I’m doing. There are so many thoughts that swirl around my head when I’m alone. I can’t shut them off. I over think everything, and I am my own worst nightmare. I treat myself worse than anyone else in my life. All I know how to do, apparently, is make myself miserable. I doubt I can achieve anything with my life, but I keep pushing through another day. No one deserves to feel the way I’ve felt for the past two years, and it’s my goal in life I want to get out of these shit. I never sought help. I probably should have, but it took me too long to realize something was wrong and now for some reason I feel it’s too late. And I hate when I am just being too emotional. Everything fibrous.

Sometimes I want it all to be over. Sometimes I feel like this is a chance to make it better. Only time will tell...

But I just hate waiting.

I.D.G.A.D

2011-07-05T02:07:00.004+08:00

It’s understandable why some people think that I “hate” them, ‘cause they obviously know or think they’ve done something fucked up towards me. But what I’m really trying to say is that I rarely hold shit against people who have never really meant anything to me. It’s a whole different story if someone I was close to pulled a bold move on me, but if someone whom I didn’t really give a fuck about pulled some grimey shit on me I could really careless. Not saying I would just let anything slide, but if you really meant something to me it would most likely affect me in a somewhat harsh way.

But in this case, you never really meant anything to me. So for me to deal with all the drama and nonsense you’re equipped with or would be a total waste of time, point blank. So in all honesty, I hold absolutely nothing against you. Besides the fact that you can’t handle such situations in an adult manner, you my dear are not a factor.

Remember, we are not the same !

Not worth the energy getting worked up over, so I’ll just leave this here. Now you can go fuck yourself moron.

Catch Me,

2011-07-01T00:22:00.002+08:00

You've got me laughing while I sing,
You've got me smiling in my sleep,
And I can see this unraveling,
Your love is where I'm falling.

Just Saying,

2011-06-28T20:00:00.006+08:00

Maybe,

I find myself NEEDING to be wanted, loved, needed. To the point that it is my judgement on whether my life is successful or not.

After a single day spent alone without talking to anyone I feel extreme needs to talk to someone, anyone. I get a ridiculous adrenaline high just from doing things for people to help them out. I crave a mind blowing, problem erasing hug at some point every day.

I have been in a relationship and felt that super high feeling of being wanted and needed. Now I feel like I can be hoe hum happy I guess by myself, but that feeling is what I’m looking for and I won’t be successful in my eyes unless I find it. I knew you will always with me, no matter what. But did you with me when I am facing with one of my hardest moment in my life? But I try to be strong. Because I know, even you're not here with me but you will always pray for my best. And support in everything I do. Love me the way I am. That is the most important.

I hug a body pillow when I go to bed at night. I pretend not that it is a person, but that it is a feeling I have felt before. I have nobody up here. I feel so alone. Yeah, I know you won't get it. But, I feel so. Is it I have someone I can talk to right here? Heh. NO ONE. But lucky I have you. At least there is someone out there notice that I am exist :)

Wanting to be wanted, needed, loved, but being perfectly able to be happy alone is the way that most people are. I feel like NEEDING it is unhealthy. And it scares me. I put myself in a bad way because of it. I don’t ever think about what I need to do to protect myself. And at the end of the day I find myself wondering what if I never find it. That is such an earth shattering thought to me. What if I end up alone.

But perhaps I’m trying to learn how to do it all on my own. Everyone enters and leaves this world alone, right? So maybe I should be embracing this solitude, perhaps trying to become an independent person. Who knows, one day I’ll have the courage to take this world on by myself. I have to dependent 100% with my own.

Miss you,

2011-06-27T23:15:00.003+08:00

I miss you. I always do when you're not here. I feel so empty. I don't want to lose you. Ever. Don't forget me. Okay?

I need you.

Your smile is fricking adorable, I miss you.

Macarons,

2011-06-26T11:31:00.007+08:00

Hello guys,

Someone please buy me this? Please, I am craving for that. And pretty to be truth, I never eat this before. But it is look so beautiful and delicious. Especially in yellow color. Hihi.

Kbye,

Can I eat this? Please :'(

Holes Inside,

2011-06-24T19:01:00.003+08:00

When all that you've tried, leaves nothing but holes inside. It seems like you're wired, to stay here held in time. Because nothing seems to change. No nothing's gonna change, at all. I can see it in your face, the hope has gone away. If you hold tight, shadows will be lost in the light. Oh because sometimes, fate and your dreams will collide. So don't walk away from me.

Your feet are stuck, no they cannot move. Don't tell me that they're glued. Sure they're far from at home, at ease but give sometime to breathe. But everything will be okay. I know that it's so easy to say. But the pain inside will fade.

You're the best thing happened on me.

Possum,

2011-06-23T17:39:00.005+08:00

Hello,

Yeah, I miss the old Possum I used to taking care before. So cute and adorable. Always companion me to study all night long. Listening to my babbling. You make a cute face when hungry and bite me at night because you refuse to sleep inside the cage. And climb on the top of my head everytime I took you out of the cage. Haih, I really miss those moment.

When can I have you back? I wanted to buy a new one, but it is tooooo expensive. I can't afford it. Hihi. But I really want it ! So badly :(

Can I list this as one of my wishlist?

Possum The Awesomeness.

Promise,

2011-06-21T20:57:00.004+08:00

Hello fellas,

Okay, I’m not in the mood to list down all the things that happened to me recently. Well, I’ve been busy these days so I was so tired and don’t have much time to talk about it. Because, nobody will understand me. But Allah knew everything. I am sooo thankful for that.

Thank you Allah for those people who had so much concern about me. Especially my roommate. Thanks for lend me your ears. Even though I know, it is quite boring for you to keep on listening to my story everyday. But really nice to knowing someone like you :)

Anyway, words for the day is 'Promise'.

I think we like to complicate things when it is really quite simple ; find what it is that makes you happy and who is it that makes you happy and you're set.

Don't say any promise if you cannot stand for it. It’s better to say I’ll try, So the expectation would not be so high. Because broken promises always be done and don't make promises when you can't keep it. It is hurts a lot. I am not saying this to anyone. But I just wanna share with you guys. Don't ever do this okay? Anyway, I'm sorry if I'm done exactly the same as what I've been said. Try to be a better person day by day. Insyaallah.

#justsaying.

Just A Words,

2011-06-20T18:56:00.004+08:00

Hello,

New started for beginning semester 3 wasn't that bad. Even though, I feel so awkward with my own classmate at first. But it turns well I guess. But I still feel alone as usual. I feel like I am nobody and INVISIBLE to everyone. Nahh, I know. It was my fault before. I should know how to control everything. I am superQILA right? :)

I wish I can please everyone. But I want say it once again, it is not my responsibility to make everyone happy. Yeah, we have to admit. Different people live with their own unique lifestyle. Who are you to change that? If I can respect you guys with that, how possibly you guys can't do the same?! Simple is it? No need to be enemy.

I am not talking or writing about anyone. I am just saying. In other words, I just want to keep on remind it to myself. And one more thing, always being humble. That is the most important. It is okay what are other people wants to talk about us or creating a rumors. Remember this, they make us FAMOUS. Just ignore what they gonna say about you.

***

God doesn't give you problems to make you weaker. He give it to you to make you learn how to be STRONGER & TOUGHER everyday.

Be strong and focus Aqila.

Read This,

2011-05-27T12:14:00.004+08:00

Hello everyone,

Here is one little facts about me. Even though, I am 19teen. I am not been considered as teenage yet or an adult. For the first time I try to adapt this fact, it was quite difficult for me. But I know, there is must be a reason WHY. I can't go out, hang out or holiday like my other friends. I never blame my parents for these.

Because they want to protect me. And I am thankful for that. *I am not talking about other people bad or something. Sorry.

And you guys need to know, I can't go out if you guys ask me for. I CAN'T. Stop asking me that. You really pissed me off. If I want to go out, I am the one who gonna find your guys. No worries.

Get it? Thank you for understand me.

@ShilaEvans Best tak jadi manusia yang bebas hangout?
*If tak faham bahasa jugak aku tak tahu nak cakap apa la. GRR

Just A Wish,

2011-05-25T01:48:00.007+08:00

Hello,

It has been a really crazy time these past two semesters. I've met some amazing people that I want to keep in my life for as long as possible. But is it time let go? I don't think so.

I am so tired of things just not working out. This is just starting ridiculous. So much shit has happened and I just need one, marvelous thing to happen to show me that thing are really going to get better. I need proof that life I trudging through has some point to it, that it has some sort of meaning. I just can't find it for now. It's still flattern out. I can't find the climax yet. Yeah, it's a long journey of life man.

Because honestly I am starting to lose hope. And when all hope is lost, shit hits the fan. I am just hoping I won't give up so fast. Can I?

I wish everything will happen back-way. Nahh, it won't happen. But, every patience have a limit right? But it seems easily for you to say that. Or it just my feeling?

I try to say goodbye and I choke, I try to walk away but I stumble, though I try to hide it, it's clear, my world crumble when you are not near.

You can say whatever you want. Or assume anything.

Pumpkin,

2011-05-19T13:53:00.004+08:00

Hello peeps,

Sweet romantic things you guys can do ;

Watch sunset together.
Cook me something for breakfast.
Whisper to each other.
Buy gifts to each other.
Wearing your favorite perfume.
Watch stars together.
Go for a long walk down at the beach.
Hugs.
Write poetry for each other.
Spend every second possible together.
Look into each other's eye.
Put love notes when they aren't looking.
Sing to each other.
Read to each other.
Learn to listen.
Learn to understanding each other.
Watch movie together.
Take a second in your day, try to remember everything you did together.
Dedicate song to them.
Never forget to wish "Sweet dream". And a goodnight kiss.
Kiss in the rain.
Wear something which belongs to each other.
Have breakfast together.
Wear a same shirt.
Picnic together.
Play puzzle together.
Play with bubble together.
Hold hands.
Share each other interest.
Honesty.
Surprise them sometimes.
Sit and talk.
Love when they remember about our favorite things.
Roses.
Go to theme park together.
Dress each other.
Take me to dinner.
Hold their hands, and put it over your heart.
Make excuses to call me every 5 minutes.
Even I am really busy at the moment, I will pick up and say "I love you".
Remember your dream, and share with each other.
Try make an effort to see each other.
Tell each other about the most sacred/fears.
Baked me cookies/brownies.
Stay up all night just to accompany me.
Learn from each other mistake.
Describe the joy you feel just to be with them.
Make sacrifice for each other.
Write a love letter about how you met/fall in love and etc.
Learn to say sweet things from other foreign languages.
Fall asleep while on the phone together.
Buy some crayon and coloring books.
Coloring together !
Try to do something we don't like once to prove how much they are special for us.
Never forget to say "I love you" even once a day.
Ride bike together.
Pillow fight.
Train ride experience.
Akuaria :)
Barbeque together.
Go to bookstore.
Shopping together.
Buy me a lots of chocolate.
Seeing you wear in yellow.
Send me a cute message.
Swap massages.
Watch cartoon movies instead of romantic.
Listen to heart beating.
Going to grocery shopping together.
Play video games together.
Have a tickle fight.
Get an ice cream.
Fly a kite.
SWIMMING.
A walk in the park.
Going to the beach and collect sea shells.
Ice skating.
Wearing your cloth.
Kiss forehead.
When in public, only flirt with each other.
Write your name in their favorite books.
Feed.
Skyping for the whole night.
Play a lots of mini games.
Do cute things together.
Go for holiday together.
Watch korean movie together. HAHA
Sleep together or take a nap.
Subway !
Take a road without direction together.
Window shopping.
Vacation.
Listen to babbling.
Keep holding on.
Trust each other.
Always understand each other condition.
Protect each other.
CARE is not just a word.
Play guitar and sing a song.

Based on movies and comics I have been read, all this are ; 99 sweet things, you can do with someone you love.

I am not sweet enough. *sigh -.-"

Pancake,

2011-05-18T00:22:00.004+08:00

It's really hard to forget
someone,who gave you so
much to remember. Every precious
memory I have of you, I treasure.
More than anything else. Every day,
I am away you're the one I thinking of.
There is no doubt on that.
-remember that will you?

This Is Me,

2011-05-17T00:07:00.006+08:00

Hello fellas,

As much as I try to hide it, I don’t have a thick skin. I get my feelings hurt … easily.

As this year is coming to a rapid end, I have dealt with one cycling question: Who am I really? I have met so many new people and with those new people have received such a broad range of remarks on the kind of person I am. Everytime I feel good about myself I take two steps back again questioning every little move that I make. Am I being too cocky? Yes, you're being ridiculous. You just look foolish and looking satisfied with yourself with all your obvious flaws that everyone but you is noticing.

All these questions and questioning of questions have made me doubt myself so far that I feel I have turned into a scared little mouse that’s too afraid to speak out for herself and her thoughts on anything. And that bothers me most of all, the fact that I am too afraid to be myself fearing that the person who meets me will reflect me once again.

So many different opinions and comparisons have led me to the conclusion that. Hmm, and you know what? I still don’t know! I can’t figure it out. Never in my life have I been so lost, in my own world.

Shockingly, it seems as if high school was just so much simpler. Yeah, better than now a days. Live as University student is harder I think. Everyone knew how you were and some people liked you, some people didn’t. But now, after an endless supply of new men and new people, I can’t figure out who I am anymore.

I know that throughout my life, I have always changed for the better. Improving each little flaw that I noticed I had. But now, I can’t notice the flaws. And to me, that is terrifying.

So you know how when you were a kid they would make you write a “Who Am I” essay? Well, I believe that it is time for me to remember that person I was that used to make me so happy. And to do that, I will write one another “Who am I” essay, ten years following the last one. Maybe after wards, there won’t be as many question marks in my head as there used to be.

Yeah this is me. I am not came from a rich family. I got no car or any expensive gadget. I don't have anything to impress and I got nothing to offer everyone. But there is one thing for sure, I know who I am, and what I do. One perfect word for me ;

Imperfections.

Dani Shay

2011-05-14T23:33:00.007+08:00

Hello guys,

It's been a long time I didn't update my blog isn't? Nahh, I just want to test my new apps on my phone, since I got no laptop to online. I can't edit the font. I can't change the font color. I can't center or move the image.

This is so LAME -.-"

I totally hate it. But what to do? It's okay. There was a reason for that.

Anyway, now I want to talk about Dani Shay. Did you guys know her? I bet not so many people know about her yet. I will show you a photo of Dani Shay.

Similar to whom? Haha. Cute isn't? :)

Justin Bieber,

Hating @justinbieber. Haha.#icantdothat

Trash,

2011-04-30T00:18:00.005+08:00

Hey guys. I don't how to start.
Hmm, okay. Read this. If I am not
answering your phone calls after
TWO times you call, means that
I don't want to talk. This is
my rules. Clear? (:
-pardon me.

Algebra 2,

2011-04-28T14:04:00.003+08:00

Hello ! (:

Nothing much to say about today. Doesn't matter.
The point is, I am done with it. Hell yeah. Go Aqila !
Two more left. Woot. I loike !
I can't wait, to drive my new baby. Haha.

28 April 2011, 0900

Physics For Matriculation,

2011-04-25T18:48:00.005+08:00

Hello folks,

Woot ! The most hardest paper I guess. Finally, it coming to me tomorrow. Yeah, you guys can say whatever you want. *Physics is easy or I love physics. I just don't care ! This is me, I am the one who gonna sit for that paper. So, I am the one who gonna deal with it. No one will help me for that.

I hope everything will going fine. I don't want to repeat. Seriously !

Like I said before, tonight will gonna be a long night for me. To many things to cover up. *last minute prepared. Haha. Wish me luck guys.

Omg, I am soooooo nervous ! -.-"

26 April 2011. 0900

Wondering,

2011-04-24T23:09:00.005+08:00

Sometimes it’s better
to just ignore what is happening
around you than to think hard why
it is happening to you.
-but why it's to hard for me to do that?

Pengalatan & Pengukuran

2011-04-22T22:29:00.003+08:00

Hello guys,

This is my paper for tomorrow. 23 April 2011. Haih, I am super duper nervous and I felt that I can't go with this paper. And I don't know why. I tried so hard to study, but looks like everything going to be wasted. I can't even remember a thing. Even thought I've been read it for a few times. Why is so hard for me to understand? Am I too stupid for this subject? Or what?

Pretty to be truth, I am kinda jealous with my other friends who manage to understand this subject SO easily. Why I can't do a same thing? Is it because I am not into this course? Or my brain is super SLOW? (:

Or maybe I am not trying hard enough. *if not, tonight gonna be a long night for you Aqila Isa. There is too many chapter need to cover. Haih, I only have time until 2.30pm tomorrow. How cool is that?

Anyway, wish me luck guys. Hope for the best.

Is it weird if I push the panic button?

TITAS,

2011-04-20T20:32:00.005+08:00

Hello hello,

I didn't know how can I explain in words, how do I feel right now. Flurried, scared and worried. Haih, I don't know what will happen for tomorrow. I wish the best for me.

My final war is about to begin. Tomorrow, 2.30pm.

Chuck Taylor,

2011-04-17T01:24:00.006+08:00

Hello fellas,

This is super duper awesomeness !
Haha. How cool was that. Chuck Taylor Converse with yellow color?!
Woot ! Can I have one please? Hee.

Oldskool rocka !

One of my wishlist this year (:

Bad,

2011-04-16T14:03:00.006+08:00

This is all I need for now.

Hello stalkers,

Haha, I just want to know. How much you guys really know about Aqila Isa? Until you guys can say so much shit about me huh? Wahh, you guys know me better than my mum. Good job ! Should I give award or something? To appreciate for all your effort.

Haih, I don't know what the hell are now happening on me. Looks like everyone is gettin selfish. And I am totally hate it. I make a lots of enemy. Don't have any friends. Got no money, and stressing with my BIG EXAMS. Is there anyone out there didn't notice about this? Are you damn stupid or nuts?

And I hate it when YOU, doesn't care at all. I have to follow everything what you want ! I have to do this and this. Next this. And next, what will happen with my study?! Is it I have enough time to cover up everything to make sure your all dreams come true? Hell no !

Haha, the funny part. When I get best result, this is my ********. When I am not, I am the one who are not listening to you. I am to much enjoy with my life. I am to lazy to study. All the bad things will come out. This is how you treat me huh? I am always make you sad. Cry. And I am the one who are always humiliate your name isn't? I knew it. I am such a bad girl.

But whatever it is, I am still human. I got brain and heart. I know what I sense and I know what I felt. And it was so hurt. I can think for every words come from your mouth. I know what it means. Do not pretend like I am too stupid for all that.

Even though, I am not smart enough like two of my other cousins still I am not that stupid. It's just a past. We don't know what Allah have planned for me. And before this, I've promised to myself I'll make you proud. Maybe not now. But one day it will. I promise.

Sorry, I am not the best thing happened on you. And being such the pain in your ass.

My Hero,

2011-04-15T23:57:00.005+08:00

iloveyou

Hello,

The blood I have split can't replace this pain that you and me have. But these words of love are all I have. I love you, and you know it's true. All I want is the best for you. In life these words I wrote might not change your mind. But remember to me you're one of a kind! Don't leave me with just a memory, because you're all I have.

No matter what happen, you and me against the world right? Nothing else matter. Now for me it seems dreams do come true, as I have found you. You are all that and so so much more!

I will always love you. And always do. Even I didn't tell you, I know you may feel.

I may seems like a crazy girl who are too obsess with you. Yeah, I am too gettin crazy on you.

Yes, only you.

Dichoso,

2011-04-15T01:00:00.005+08:00

Hello (:

Did you guys know what is the meaning of 'dichoso'? It mean happy in Spanish. Okay, here come the story. Why I am so happy? Because, before this I've been tell you guys, how much I craving for Jelly Bean right? HAHA. After a few days, finally I get it. And it so colorful. I am very excited woot ! Ehhhhh, and I get one more thing, which is pencil in yellow color. So cute !

Thanks to Ayan,
She is the one who gives to me. *Aww, so sweet la awak. Hee. Oh oh ! Forget to tell you guys, it is sooooo yummy ! Hihi.

Thank you (:

Jelly Bean

2011-04-12T13:01:00.007+08:00

Hello guys,

I am craving for this Jelly Bean.
Is there anyone out there, want to give me this? (:

Colorful is it?

Please. I really really want this. So badly !

Everyday I miss you,

2011-04-11T20:46:00.009+08:00

Hello hello,

Everyday I gonna sit alone, and think about you. I don't go one minute without thinking of you and wishing that I was with you. I can't stand to be without you for one second. You truly turned me into myself. And you accept me just the way I am. When everyone can't.

You have shown me what it's to love and be loved and that's my happiness. It's all I need to have the most amazing life I can possibly have, and thank you for it.

This is one of my favorite song, and it's related to you.

I love the part when he said,

So goodnight moon, and goodnight you, When you're all that I think about, All that I dream about, how I'd ever breathe without A goodnight kiss from goodnight you,

Absolutely the same with what I want to say to you.

What I need,

2011-04-10T18:25:00.005+08:00

Hello guys,

I've been thinking about this from way back. What is actually I wanted the most in my life? Nobody can decide it for me. Never ! But, I can't even tell myself what am I need or want to be. Some people said, whatever we now, will unlikely similar with what is going on in future. But still I can't believe what they said. Because, I want to asking you guys.

Maybe I am too thinking about this.

Is someone in my life who understands what I’m dealing with. Someone who will look past my quiet-awkwardness and take the time to get to know me for who I am and not judge my weird side. Someone who will actually fight to keep me in their life instead of running away when things aren’t going their way.

I just don't get it. Why there is some people was so lucky, because they know what they want. And what they want to be. And the best part is, they have been given choices in their life. Pretty to be admit, I am kinda jealous with those who got so easily to pass their test without need to strive so hard. And can keep laughing all the time. Without thinking anything. And can simply give me an advice. What?! Haha. It's okay then. I am gonna take care with my own way.

Maybe you guys will notice me as a selfish, stubbornness and whatever it is. Yes, that is so me. Aqila Isa. Why? Is there any problem with you guys? No is it? (:

A lot of people just don’t understand. They insist that my sadness is artificial. Like I can just change my mind and be happy. It’s like fuck you. If it were that simple. I wouldn’t be here in the first place. All you’re doing is rubbing it in. How easy it is for you guys.

What I need for now?

What I need is someone who understands what it feels like to be misplaced and confused and completely lost. Someone who will accept my dark side for what it is and walk me down the road of recovery instead of pointing me in the right direction and expecting me to find my own way. Someone who will put up with my selfish, stubbornness and be there for me through it all.

Will you?

I Can't,

2011-04-08T13:39:00.005+08:00

Hello folks,

It didn’t hit me until today how much I feel like I’ve failed at one act. I know that I had a good performance, but I feel like there were things I could have done to make me more successful. It hurts a lot. I had a day that, I’m trying soo hard right now, I feel like I need to drop it. But if I drop, I will feel like a failure. I’m so close right now. I think I’m going to fail on this too. If I could even just pin-point why I feel this way. I don’t know why, it’s just the way I feel. It hurts so so bad. And the most painful part of it all is that I allowed it to happen. In fact, I’m probably the cause of it. I’ve never been so disappointed in myself than the present moment. I feel as if I’ve failed myself. Miserably.

On a positive note…

Yes, I fell. I fell hard. And I don't know what will happen next. The next few months will be hard, no doubt. There will be consequences, and more tears will be shed. But I’m going to pick myself up again. I’m going to keep trying until I reach my endpoint. Even if I don’t reach my ultimate destination, the fact that I’ve tried and never gave up hope, already makes me a winner. Determination and a positive attitude are key.

But if I fail once again, I am sure gonna end this. I am so TIRED for trying. *sorry, I am not strong enough for this.

It'll be a difficult but successful journey.

So?

2011-03-24T01:51:00.003+08:00

I knew, I being so jerk, impatient, irritating, immature and imperfect like most of the time. And even though I am reacting like a biatch, is there any problem with you guys?

Crazy Enough,

2011-03-22T21:31:00.012+08:00

Hello fellas,

My name is Aqila Isa.
I am selfish, and sometimes I lie.
Needless to say, I am impatient and hate people for no reason.
And the most important thing is I am EGOMANIAC ! Remind this in your head please.

This is so me.

Haih, you guys need to know this. There is someone out there who manage to make Aqila Isa drive nuts. This person are too special for her. Today, I've been realized that, I can't live without you. You manage to control every single things about me. My brain, my heart and my body. I keep on reading our conversation text. Yes I admit, I do cry.

I wonder if you having a same situation as me. Are you miss me, as much I miss you? Do you?

And today, I listen to All Time Low songs. The title same as my entry for today. I was found that, this song gave me a new spirit. You're the only person I wanted the most. To you ;

Don't turn away from me! Have you forgotten the promised you made? You said, you won't leave me. No matter what. Please don't give up on me. You're my light, my sunshine. If you leave, you take away my whole world. I smile whenever I think of you. I cry whenever I think of you. Because you're everything to me. I am scared of loosing you.

When i say its you that i love , it SERIOUSLY means its YOU that i love , and its only you . <3

I am STUPID,

2011-03-21T17:00:00.006+08:00

This is so me.

Hello guys,

This was really indeed happened on me.

I lay here in the dark, I cry alone. Arms wrapped around me tight, but they’re my own. I feel not the warmth of another. I am broken inside. I don't know how to live this new life.

So I lay here, broken and alone.

That I manage Life is hard, everybody says. Sometimes even a mess, yes ! It's true. I just can wish and pray to keep on calm in every situation and keep on survive. I try to stick above the surface, I keep fighting and to get my breath. I hoping that, I can satisfy all heart. Can I? *I knew the answer. For sure I can't !

What I suppose to do? I am not a robot. I put on the radio, to hear a happy song, So that I can forget all these just for a moment. I had a few friends, who had passed on, on my way. It putted my life in a shade.

Every day I started to say, its because of me. Im the one to blame for these matter. Yes ! I am the one. Everyone says, its not your fault, you could nothing do. But deep inside, I think it isn't true.

Life is hard everyone says, but they are not the one who slept. One year crying in their bed. I wrote this, while listening to Evanescence-My Immortal. The lyric have something to do with me. I like the part when Amy Lee said ;

"These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real. There's just too much that time cannot erase.."

Sometimes, all I want to do is running from all the daily routine that drives me nuts. Currently, only one thing I wanna do. Scream, scream and keep on screaming. Because, nobody cares. Fyi, I am a not unhappy person. I am just tired of the same routine and people and trying for something that I can't have it.

Crying in the rain, probably the best thing that I can do right now. It keep on hiding my tears so that everyone can't see I'm crying.

Elmo and Cookie Monster,

2011-02-28T00:34:00.007+08:00

Elmo and Cookie Monster,

Even though I will be down on this sweet thing, but I become addicted hereby because of the person who gave me this two cupcakes (:

That person as sweet as this cupcakes also. Seriously. I can't forget the way this person smile and laughing. Aww, so cute ! HAHA. I will missed that smile always.

Thanks for always there for me when I needed someone to cry on and listening to me. And stand with my manners. Not many perennially with me. Most people come to my life and then leaving. But not you. You keep on stand beside me, and support everything I do. Taking a good care on me when everyone else doesn't. I really appreciate it.

Thanks for being whatever I want you to be.

225.

Unblock Me,

2011-02-27T23:50:00.006+08:00

Hello guys,

It's been a long time I didn't update my blog isn't? Hell yeah, got nothing special to share about. Nahh, here come some rubbish/junk I want to share. Woot woot ! HAHA. *this happened when I dearth of ideas -_-"

A few hours ago, I've been introduced to play with this game. Usually, I hate game that
test my wisdom. Grr, please don't ask me to play that kind of game. But, this game is only exception ! Hee,

I thought I am not smart enough to play this game. HAHA. Seriously, I am too addicted to this game. Pretty to be truth, I manage to reach level 100 in 3 hours. 4 brain needed :)

A few minutes ago, Uncle Fauzi manage to reach level 105. Woot !

Anyway, who anyone out there got Apple's product, I suggest you to try this (: Fully recommended. HAHA.

2011-02-15T13:09:00.006+08:00

Sometimes, I only hope they sense what I felt or what I am being through rather than saying something. Because at the time, I doesn't require any advices or inducement. I know, no one will understand me. Because the real facts, no one knows what is the real things happen to me. Don't act like you're so smart and wise in every matter. Because you know that you don't.

Remind this in your head.

Time To Get Emotional, Kids.

2011-02-05T01:54:00.007+08:00

Currently,

Deep breath. Let it out as a sigh. Today was rough. One of the toughest days I’ve lived through in quite a while. The feelings of inadequacy, failure after trying so hard. Frustration.
lack of sleep. The only downtime occurring on the commute from point A to point B, but even this time of relative peace is ruined by the dread of what is to come and the radio’s seeming insensitivity to my plight as it plays awful music on every station.

In desperation, I flip to the classical music channel hoping to find a piano piece to lend me its serenity. Instead my ears get blasted with jarring violins and clashing symbols, a perfect echo of the chaos that is my current lifestyle

Three hours pass, minute by agonizing minute. Finally. Time to head home. Half hour drive punctuated by tears. Tears that have built up and been suppressed throughout the entire day. Reaching home. Aching for some relaxation. A cold splash of water for my tear stained face.

I have reached the limit.

Yeahh, maybe Ayan was right. Less-care will the best way for this. But the question is, can I do that? I just wanted to be at peace, but instead I’ve made things worse. I’m so messed up in the head. Why? Why couldn’t I just be a regular person? I don’t want to have this sickness. And I am horrible at hiding the fact that I wanna cry. I’m still a typical girl somewhere in here

You know how it is when you get your heart broken and you feel so sad that you don’t want to do anything else but cry, but ironically, your eyes can’t do the crying for you? That was what happened at that point. I was crying inside but my eyes were as vacant as the sky above.
I’m used to being alone. I sit in the midst of my “friends” all the time and am alone. But nothing can compare to being lonely while you are physically alone, and wanting nothing more than to have someone talk to you so that you aren’t lonely anymore.

***

*Thanks Apis for everything. Even though we not so close such as once, but I am happy to know you as my cousin. And will us be best cousin forever?

Thanks, Hafiz Ayub. You make me touched :')

Truth,

2011-02-02T22:43:00.005+08:00

Hello guys,

You all know about state in Egyptian. It's not like what media in Malaysian state. We see, major media in Malaysia not put forward direct case Egyptian. Says TPM, "Malaysian student safe, no need be brought return." See? How, they take perfunctory on this matter. This involved student safety from Malaysia.

Ask everyone's good deed that was in Malaysia,
Help, help, help, spread at all.
Upgrade awareness.
Malaysian in Egyptian need government assistance.
As soon as possible.
State in Egyptian is worse from all of you know.

True story,

Please, do not rely on local media.
More updated you all can go to BBC, Al-Jazeera.

Want to know a true story?

Airport in Alexandria could not be used.
Police station around Mansoura and Alexandria already crushed.
Police been ordered not to control.
Prisons, yes, PLURAL around Egypt ; more 6000 prisoners escapes on streets of Egyptian.
Female students have to depend on male students to controlling their house.

I can't sleep when I am thinking about this. I am to worried about our relatives and friends out there. Let us pray together, Insya Allah everything will going fine.

Im praying, that my cousins, friends and all Malaysian at Egypt is alright. Amin.

Goodbye January and Hello February,

2011-02-01T01:50:00.003+08:00

I hate that thing that happens right before I sleep. Every mistake I've ever made, every word I wish I never said, every moment that made I cry rushes through my head

and all I can do it is cringe and pretend it all that never happened.

Change. That’s simple I can’t stand and fear to death change/ the future that change will bring. I could cry myself to sleep each night thinking of how much things will change throughout my life I realize how unprepared I am for growing up. It terrifies me.

It’s the worst feeling in the world, when everything you’ve ever believed in shatters in a matter of moments.

It's not a great beginning of February for me. It's totally sucks ! I thought only women have that kind of sense. Haih, I am still wonder. Why guys nowdays mouth like a female. Grr ! Nahh, I am to irritated to talk about this shit !

I cannot but cogitate,

Hoping for better luck in February.

Why this kind of person still exist in this kind of world? I keep typing, then erasing. I just can't find the right words to describe how I feel right now. I feel so insecure. I've been acting like such a bitch to everyone around me. I don't know whether I can believe anyone now. I am having so many doubts and I am letting it get to me. I can't stand it anymore. I guess I just need more reassurance.

Today,

2011-01-31T23:48:00.003+08:00

Can I have this please?

Hello hello,

Okay guys attention please, I would like to announce that I am now suffering from a real-bad-flu disease. I had it since last week. Grr. And nothing's change. Everything is still the same. Or getting worst I guess. And a good news is, I am starting to sensing for sore throat. Haihh, it's okay. Just wait and see if it's getting better soon.

I'll be away for a few days. Because I am now officially at Batu Pahat, Johor. Nothing much happen here. It's been raining for a few days. Non-stop. How cool it was. Hee, house have been surrounded by water. I totally like it! (:

Exams,

2011-01-29T02:01:00.005+08:00

My upcoming look (:

Hello hello,

Its been third week for this second semester. It's time to say goodbye for deserted week. No more wasting time. Because every second are very important to me. I need to maintain my pointer. Because there is someone out there, promise me. If I manage to beat her pointer, she gonna let me have whatever I wanted the most. Woot ! I like ! (:

Even though it's only a third week, I've been through a rough week I guess. Haihh, I am not saying it's too much pressure. But hell yeah. I've to admit, I am too Paranoid. I am too thinking that I am not gonna make it for my Physics. I am too sure that I am not gonna pass this paper with flying colors. Even though I am not try yet. How flurried am I isn't? Haih -.-"

I don't know what is actually happening to me. But I am definitely can't understand what is my lecturer trying to say when I am at class. I don't understand even one she teach. I am not talking about the way she teach. I am just wondering, am I thought prevent me to understand the thing? Or I already set my brain so? Is it I am the one who can't absorb anything for that? Grr, I am so dead man.

Because I have to survive it alone. At least get B- for final it will be enough. But if I get more, it will be better (;

It's okay, there is someone which is willing to teach me Physics. Cool is it? I knew it was. HAHA. Forgot to tell you guys, I just get 4 upon 10 for my Physics quiz. I guess. HAHA. How bad it was. Grr, I done a lots of silly mistake. I disregard the units. If not, I manage to get at least 8 or 9 marks. But it's okay. We learn from mistake isn't? Hee.

Aqila, how negligent you are.

After physics, I got my Test 1 for Algebra 2. Yeahh, I've to admit this is one of my favorite subject for this second semester. I don't know why. Because my heart just say so. Hee, it's represent 15%. I hope it' just fine. I really need that 15% marks man !

I think I did it well. Just hoping for the best. Upcoming test will be ;

TITAS
Pengalatan & Pengukuran

For sure I gonna strive for this both subject. No break term for me this week. Grr. I've a lots of assignment to take care off and notes to be done. Oh yeah !

Digital System
Physics
TITAS
Calculus
Pengalatan & Pengukuran
Algebra

Cool is it? HAHA.

Time,

2011-01-20T15:55:00.004+08:00

I'm lost for a moment.

Hello guys,

Have you all been through a moment that suddenly you felt so down? No one respecting you. You felt so lost. Your heart felt so painful. Your mind keep on thinking negatively things. You felt so alone. Nobody wants to listening to you. You absolutely can't accept what people said about you. You think you are the loser.

You can't see other people achievement. Because you know, even you try so hard but still you can't have it. And you think you are the only person who a having a miserable moment when the rest are not. You sat alone, looking outside and keep asking yourself "why it must end up like this? and why me?". You hate to see other people smiling when at the moment you can't smile, because you are too sad.

Nothing can calm you down. What you need is just someone to hear, and listening to you. You felt such as want a scream. But then what will happened? Does it would be revising everything?

No is it?

Yeahh, I admit. I've been in this kind of situation. Not once, but many times. I don't know how to handle it. It's too hard for me. But it's hurting me so much and people around me. Especially you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. Seriously!. And pretty to be truth, in that state I'm turn up as someone else. I don't know how to fix it.

I'm tired of drama. I'm tired of calming myself down. I'm tired being lonely. I'm tired being used.

Lastly, I'm tired of being TIRED !

Miserable,

2011-01-12T00:14:00.004+08:00

I know you hate numbers (:

I had a dream and it was about you, I smiled and recalled the memories we had then I noticed a tear fell from my eyes. And you know why? Because I dream you kiss me and said goodbye.

How painful it was? Don't you get it? How can I easily forget you, when you always on my mind? How can I not want you, when you all I want inside? How can I let you go, when I can't see us apart? How can I not love you, when you've control my heart?

Yes I admit. I do cry when you said you gonna be apart from me. And it will never stop. Don't you know how much I care about you? You are the only person always being here with me when everyone is leaving me. You are the only person that I can trust the most. You are the only person I care so much besides my family. You are the only reason I keep strong until now, even though I know how weak I was. How could you said you are leaving me now?

I just can't accept this. It's too much. How can I dry your tears when I have a bleeding heart inside of me. How can I forget you when your name is etched so deep with me. How can I easily forget, when you are everything to me.

I don't regret the rain or the nights I felt the pain or the tears I had to cry some of those times along the way. For every road I had to take, every time my heart would break, it just something I had to do to get me to you. Don't you ever tell me that I am deserve someone better to take a good care of me. I just need you ! And why? I don't know, it's not my choice but my heart's.

I promised I would never leave you. And you should always know, wherever you may go. No matter where you are, I will always love you.

You got to remember this ; Don't you ever leave me. If not, I will kill you (:

Thank You,

2011-01-05T00:45:00.005+08:00

Thank you for making me laugh when I'd almost forgotten how to.

I love you so much you wouldn't believe how happy you make me. How everytime I see you, my heart races cause I know I'ma get to talk to you. I miss you, and I can't wait to be in your arms again. I can't wait till you can hold me tight and make all my problems just disappear even if it is only for one night or for just a moment. you mean a lot to me and I hope you know that the way I feel is real ! I know I have made some mistakes and I'm so happy you forgave me for that. And accepted me just the way I was.

When I lay, my head down at night I think of the last time we were together and fall asleep with a smile on my face every time. Then once I am good and asleep you come to me in my dreams at least there you can hold me tight through the night and I wake up happy in the morning, ready to start my day. I really just want to say thank you so much for loving me and thank you for puttin a smile on my face even when I don't want to. Thank you for listening to all my current problems with no complaints. And you are being there for me.

I love you with all my heart and always will.

Monday,

2011-01-03T14:42:00.003+08:00

She said this to me yesterday (;

Hello,

Today is my first day for my second semester. The situation are not like as what I expected. I am starting my day with wake up at 7 in the morning. Thanks to Ayan for woke me up. Hee, I love you. I have class at 9. But, at 8 I already reached to class. Cool is it? I knew it was. HAHA.

I sat infront in class. I don't know where I get my enthusiasm. HAHA. First class maybe or my new resolution. I like ! Algebra 2. I kinda like that subject. Maybe it still in chapter one. No so hard. So, I can easily understand it. I hope it will continually like this. And, I can score for Algebra. Can I? (:

My second class, suppose to be Calculus. HAHA. But, lecturer just came in for only 5 minutes. And then dismiss. Hee, and just now I suppose to have my third class. But, suddenly the class have been cancel. Because of particular reason. Cool ! I totally like ! I plan to stay at PSZ until 5pm. But, bed called me. HAHA. I am sleepy yaw. What to do. -.-"

I don't know why I keep on listening to the song Miley Cyrus-The Climb when I wrote this post. I think the lyric have something to do with me. Haih,

Final words,

Don't have to worry about me. I'm okay ! I am strong like you right, Ultraman? I'm already adult, know how to take care of myself. I had no choice. I has to face up with this kind of situation. I have to adapt it. And learn to let it go out from my mind. Control my mind and my anger. Try to relax in whatever condition.

One of the simplest ways to stay happy. Just let go of the things that makes you sad.

Me,

2011-01-01T16:18:00.006+08:00

Currently,

Hello fellas,

Haihh, today is Saturday isn't? Means a few hours left, before I am going back to KSJ.
What a -.-"

I am feel so so lazy right now. Starting from tomorrow, everything will change. I will going back to the lame schedule. Meet people, sometimes annoying me. Facing with people who does not like me. Who always slander about me. Keep talking shit about me. Haih, -.-"

Why those people must exist in this world? Grr. What am I suppose to do? I do not know what am I feels right now. Anxious, worried and fluttered maybe. I am afraid, if I am alone there. And I am not strong enough to face with all this. Or everything will being vice versa?

I am still being shackled by the characteristic of Aqila Isa 2010 version. Haihh, who are always cry, coward, always blame other people if something happen, boast, never listen to what other people saying, evil mouth, and the very obvious weakness was always GIVE UP. Is it?

Today is 1st January 2011. So, I wish Aqila Isa will reborn with a new great personality. More maturer and strong. Hoping I can balance everything. I can manage my time properly. Can I? I need to show something to my parents, even they didn't ask for that. But, I will ! Because, I know they wanted the best from me. Even thought I know, those 9 subject for this 2nd semester is quite tough, but I believe I manage to handle it.

Pray the best for me (:

HAHA,

2011-01-01T15:48:00.007+08:00

Hello hello,

Woot. It's been my honored as a new blogger, when I have been awarded with this 'Special New Year' award. By Sunah Mohammad.

Thanks (:

It's me yaw. HAHA

Sunah Mohammad

Hello 2011,

2010-12-31T18:17:00.004+08:00

Happy New Year everyone !

Hello everyone,

A few hours left,

When people share experiences together, and they must part, there is a feeling of sadness. Saying goodbye to people that we feel connected to is an occasion of somber reflection. It is hard to imagine our lives without them, and yet we have no choice but to go on. It is comforting to know that for to know that for however long you will be separated you will always be in each others hearts. It is also an opportunity to be more present to others in your life and to look for opportunities to form new friendships.

The hardest part in friendship is when it's time to say goodbye. As much as we like might like things to stay the same, change is an inevitable part of life. The universe may seem huge and the rift between friends on opposite side of the world may seem a great distance. There are many tools available with which we can communicate, but even without these tools is a secret that only real friends know, and it is this. All the mountains and valleys in the world cannot separate friends whose hearts are as one. Even the year changed 2010 to 2011.

I may change. Perhaps good, may even not. I am such a normal teenage girl. Make too much mistake. Sometimes might boast and and being rude. I am sorry if I had done something that might hurt everyone around me. I am just being me. If you can't accept it, it's not my problem. Because for me, there is no best friend term.

This 2010, to many things I had. I've cried, laugh and surprised. Too much memories. And too many great things happened to me. Joy and happiness. Thanks for give me opportunity to through all this memories.

New start, new chapter, new beginning, forget the bad and cherish the good.
Ohh year 2011, please being nice to me okay? (:
Happy New Year !

So now, goodbye 2010 and welcome 2011.

Dey Minachi,

2010-12-30T17:32:00.007+08:00

Hello minachi,

HAHA, I don't know what to write actually. But I tried my best to wrote something that 'you' can consider it as UNbored. Maybe. -.-"

She condemn my blog. How could you? Sobsob. HAHA,

Nahh, forget about those things. Back to my point. This post I dedicate to someone. Which are one of the important person in my life. She's there when I needed someone to cry on. She's there when I needed someone to hear sighing of my heart. She's know how to comfort me. She's know what is the best for me, when I'm blur and I can't make any decision.

Sounds crazy right? But, trust me. She know me better than you ! *yeah you.

I love the way you continue to give when you have nothing left. You keep supporting me in everything I do. Motivate me, when I failed. You cared about me auspiciously. You know every weakness I have. Cool isn't? *Please keep it as secret, will you? (:

Thank you for being person you are, kind and thoughtful. Sensitive and considerate. A generous and thoughtful giver. You are unselfish always, putting others before yourself. Make me feel so special and important. It is privilege and a pleasure to know you. That's what I can see in you. I appreciate every single things you've done for me.

I know, those 'people' will read this. Believe me, they won't stop stalking me. Good man ! Keep on doing that. I like it! Seriously.

Knowing you really made my day ! (:

Congrats Malaysia !

2010-12-30T15:30:00.005+08:00

Congrats Malaysia !

29th December 2010

National player line up ;

Goal Keeper: Khairul Fahmi Che Mat, Sharbinee Allawee

Defender: Mahalli Jasuli, Mohd. Razman Roslan, Mohd. Sabre Mat Abu, Mohd. Muslim Ahmad, Mohd. Fadhli Shas, Khairul Helmi Johari, Asraruddin Putra Omar,… Mohd. Faizal Mohammad

Midfield: Safiq Rahim, Mohd. Amri Yahyah, K. Gurusamy, Amar Rohidan, Khyril Muhymeen, Mohd. Amirul Hadi Zainal, S.Kunanlan, Ashaari Mohammad

Striker: Safee Sali, Norshahrul Idlan Talaha, Izzaq Faris Ramlan, Faizal Abu Bakar

Malaysia has won the AFF-Suzuki Cup on a 4-2 aggregate. Indonesia won the second leg of the final 2-1 in Jakarta on Wednesday night while Malaysia had won the first leg 3-0 in Kuala Lumpur on Sunday.

The scorers for Indonesia;

Mohammad Ridwan '87
Mohammad Nasuha '71

Scorer for Malaysia;

Safee Sali '53

It was a significant success for Malaysia the last time the senior national team became champions in a regional competition was at the 1989 SEA Games in Kuala Lumpur.

It was also the first time in the AFF Championships since 1996 that Malaysia has become champions. *14 years man. Grr -.-"

Woot, come the best part ; Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak declared Friday, 31, a public holiday in recognition of our team's AFF-Suzuki Cup triumph. *Haihh, I don't felt so excited with this. Because, now I am on holiday man. HAHA

I wonder, if now our Prime Minister gave us one day off. What will happen if our football team won for FIFA World Cup? A year off maybe? HAHA :D

Go Harimau Malaya !

Final Match Result Suzuki's Cup AFF Malaysia VS Indonesia First Lap,

2010-12-26T23:09:00.002+08:00

Hello fellas,

Congrats to Harimau Malaya Malaysia team which preceded Garuda Indonesia in Final Match Suzuki's Cup AFF (first lap).

Whistle rung with MALAYSIA final decision 3-0 INDONESIA.

Sofea Suraya,

2010-12-25T21:38:00.005+08:00

Sofea Suraya

Hey, today is your day yaw and you're wished the best. I hope you celebrate it, with a lot of zest. For today though you are a year older, and I wish you may today filled with sunshine and smiles, laughter and love. It's your birthday, don't feel down. I wish you all the best for your SPM next year. Just do your best. Think about yourself, not others. Be yourself. Remember that, okay? Stay cute and happy (:

Happy Birthday (!)

Have you?,

2010-12-25T21:04:00.002+08:00

Hello fellas,

Seems I got nothing to do today. I just want to share some wonderful tips with you guys.
It called 'How to annoy people?' HAHA.

I wrote this based my own experience. It's not about me. But, I am getting annoyed when people doing this to me. Grr.

Here I listed 5o ways ;

When in chat or sms, spell everything incorrectly. (gaya rempit yaw)
Continuously mumble during the conversation.
Change channel 5 minutes before the end of every show.
Repeat everything someone says as a question.
Ask people what gender they are.
Chew on pen that you've borrowed.
Invite a lots of people to other people's party. -.-"
Sing the theme of 'Keluang Man' television show loudly as you can. Over and over again.
Set alarm, and leave the room.
Never make eye contact.
Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?".
When in the conversation, after they done the speech, then say, "Wait, could you please repeat? I wasn't paying attention."
Place your shoes on the table.
Keep changing the TV channel every two seconds.
Pronounce people's names wrong everytime you meet them.
Laugh at everything they say.
Never laugh at what they say.
Honk and wave to strangers.
TYPE WITH CAPS LOCK.
Sneeze on person.
Tell people to shut up, when they start to talk.
Be really stupid.
Make a list of annoying things. *thats what I am doing now. HAHA.
Smack people in the face, and claim it is an arm spasm.
Wear shoes without socks.
Talk in really high-pitched voice. (macam Tipah Aisha. grr -.-")
Ask strangers where babies come from.
Talk very loudly in public.
Walk really slow.
Talk to people where they are concentrating on something else.
Talk during a movie.
Become nocturnal. Sleep in class. *Err, Am I? HAHA
Scream for absolutely for no reason.
Break promises.
Be a circus freak.
Show off a lot.
Make a story with now point.
Talk with the food on your mouth.
Smile smugly.
Yell very loud.
Ask to many questions.
Make excuses.
Find flaws in people.
Prove people wrong.
Be greedy.
Applaud for no reason.
Step on the backs of people's shoes.
Watch a movie and see it again, telling people what will happen.
Attack people with glue.
Get people in trouble for no reason.

If you feel bored, you may try all this 50 ways (;

I Love You,

2010-12-24T02:57:00.010+08:00

Syarmine Aqila Isa

On your birthday, special one. I wish all your dreams come true. May your day be filled with joy, wonderful gift and goodies too. On your day I wish for you, favorite people to embrace. Loving smiles and caring looks. The earthly gift cannot replace. I wish you fine and simple pleasures. I wish you many years of laughter. I wish you all of life's best treasures. I wish you happily ever after and goodluck in
everything you do ! (:

Happy Birthday !

Amierul Haqiemdad Abdul Razak

My final words, congratulation for you both. Whatever result you get, just remember this. You got 2 years to prove they are wrong. Okay? I'll always support you both. No worries. PMR is just a beginning. Not the end yet (: The actual war have just started.

Fixie,

2010-12-23T22:54:00.008+08:00

Hello everyone,

Here come for today entry about fixie yaw.
Recently, I got new interest. Oh gosh ! I'm so in love with this. But, my friends said that I am to short for this. Am I? Grr. -.-"

It's okay. Whatever it is, I wish I can have one. Come take a look (:

May I have this? Please (:

PMR result?,

2010-12-22T12:56:00.006+08:00

Hello there,

As we all know today is 22nd of December 2010 isn't? HAHA. Means a few hours left for all PMR 2010 candidates to undergoing their fun and joy day. Before everything will change immediately. I like ! Prepare to die everyone. HAHA.

23rd December 2010

Yeah I know how it feels. Pressure, anxious, worries, awry, tension and unstable mood. Don't worry, everything will going fine. Just don't care what other people will say about us after this. Remember this, if you fail now, doesn't mean you will having a same situation in the future. Promise to yourself, once you down you will get up and keep running again.

Anyway best of luck to all my cousins, friends, and anyone who took PMR 2010.

Especially to ;

Syarmine Aqila Isa
Amierul Haqiemdad Abdul Razak
Naeem Zainuddin (Ehh silap, dia ini F4. But, nak tulis juga nama dia)

I don't why I wrote this. HAHA :D

OMG !,

2010-12-20T20:12:00.006+08:00

A Great Beginning.

Hello (:

Its been a long time I didn't update my entry isn't? Lately, I've been obsessed with writing a short story. I have an idea of what the plot will be, but I'm having an annoying time trying to get out of my head and onto my laptop. Everything seems stuck over my head. Okay, now here come a new story I want to share. Grr.

In my previous entry I've been posted something about stalker isn't? Yeahhhh, the coolest things happen. HAHA. I like !

Hey you, I thought stalking me is the worst thing that you both will do. But, looks like I am wrong. Oh Gosh ! You both are totally jerk man. I really mean it. Keep make a story about me. But now you block me. And telling people that I am the one who blocked you both. Wth is that huh?

Okay, now ;

By the power invested in me, I pronounce you both can do what ever you want. You can delete and block me. Making a great story about me. And make sure people known me. I just don't care okay?

Also excuse me,
For what the fuck happened, just leave my friends alone okay? No need to adding all my friends creeps. Grr

______________________________________________________

Why do people just accept abuse from randomers who are just trying yo put them down. People trying to make you feel shit like that need to be ignored. Let them say/think what they want. Who gives a shit. Don't give them the satisfaction of a response.

Seriously, I am getting bored with all this.

Will you?

Is it?

2010-12-17T13:11:00.007+08:00

Hello everyone,

Do you know what it means to be in love? For me, in order to truly understand what love is, you first must know what love isn't. It also helps to gauge the concept of love with a negative experience that was a result of a potential lover, such as what it feels like to have your heart ripped from your chest and stabbed repeatedly with an icepick.

The notorious "L" word is perhaps the most powerful word in existence, no matter the language. It has the power to incite fear in those afraid of commitment, joy in the hearts of the lonely, passion stronger than the most permanent of bonds, and terrible pain when it is lost. Love means having strong feelings for someone that can be close friends, family or even someone in a romantic relationship. Love is a strong feeling that represents affection toward someone dear to you heart. There is no true meaning in love. Love with meaning is not love.

When you love someone (as in a soulmate) you can't wait to be with them. You can barely get yourself to part from them even for a short time. You want to shout from the mountaintops "I love you!" You want to hug and kiss them all the time. You want to write something very romantic for them. You want to buy a very romantic present for them. You want to cook something for them. You love to take walks with them. You love to write together with them. You love to plan to do things together.

You love to sing together. You love to make love together. You love to talk forever together. You love to compliment them. You love to watch movies or television together. You love to sleep with them. You love holidays more than you ever did when you were alone. You love to spend your whole weekend with them. When you truly love someone with all your heart and soul, you love to do everything with them.

This is just my words. Different people, got different meaning of love. Like one of my friend said "Well, you can't be in love with two people at one time, that ain't love".

So, what is the meaning of love for you? Come, share with me.

Hello Stalker (:

2010-12-16T14:58:00.006+08:00

Hello stalker,

How are ya? What is the best info did you get from stalking me? Interesting huh? HAHA. I knew it was. So keep stalking me dear. Don't stop. Because, you just make me getting known with your HOT gossip.

Stalker?

Some people think, “Hey, it might be cool to have a stalker. You know, just to say I have one.”Ehh, it's not only once. A few actually. They make your life ruined like a hell.

Like take for instance TWITTER stalker. This person, know what am I doing on that time. And now he won’t leave me the hell alone.This creepy person keep telling everybody about me. If he brought a true story it's okay. But looks everything were untrue man. What the hell is that? Now come another psycho girl. Which looks so close with that damn creepy guy. Grr. Come, tell me. What is exactly you both want from me?

If truly dare to know every single things about me, come ! Ask me loser. Don't make a bad story about me. Is it too hard huh? No right? I will answer everything you want to know. Seriously!

And, to *M please stop stalking me too. I know you won't. You don't have to care, what phone am I using now. I have a car or not. Or I'm with whom now. Just mind about your own damn shit okay.

It’s downright scary are you people. -_-"

Just leave me alone. No matter how many times I block you, you will always come back alive like a cockroach. Gtfo.

So take it from me, folks. Having someone be obsessed with you is NOT cool.

“You can be my anonymous WORDPRESS stalker.”

Yes I Am,

2010-12-14T19:05:00.006+08:00

Hello fellas,

You know what? Yes I have changed. I am not nice as I used to be, because I don't want to get used or walked over, I don't trust everyone and tell them my secrets, because behind every fake smile is a backstabbing bitch. I distance myself from people because in the end, they're only going to leave. I have changed, because I have realized that I am the only person I can depend on.

At this age, everything is changing. Day by day, we don't notice but just look back over the past year and you will realize everything has. People you thought were going to be there forever aren't, and people you never imagined you'd be speaking to are now some of your closest friends. Life makes little sense, and the more we grow the less sense it will make. So, make the most of now, before it all changes once again, because in the near future all of this is only going to be memories.

Trust me, isn't worth it.

-.-"

Shit,

2010-12-11T22:29:00.006+08:00

BACK OFF STALKER !
PLEASE PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOE.
what happen to me is my business, not yours !
Pardon me?

December, 3 2010

2010-12-02T23:03:00.003+08:00

Hello fellas,

I don't why. Suddenly, I missed someone. Who are very close to me before. He is the one, who keep entertain and chill me up when I am facing my hardest time in my life. He was very kind. Never getting mad on me. Even I know, I always bring him a lots of trouble. I really need him right now. I need someone to talk to.

He react sometimes, same like my father. Sometimes like a brother for me. I am not saying he was a perfect person. But, I am feel so warm when hear the way he talk and the way he persuade me when i am getting down and fed up in the things i do. He such a good listener and adviser for me.

Yeahh, but all this not resist. Allah loves him more. He passed away. He died, because of infection in his blood. I saw his suffering. The infection only take 3 years to killed him.

You left me right?

God, you take someone who are very close to me. Please put him among a faithful person. I really missed him. I am crying, every time remember your face that try to smile although you are in pain. I know how it feels. You such a strong person. Why I can't be like you?

I very hopeful Adam will be revived, and accompanying me. Why you go forever. Leave me single-handedly in this world?

Adam Jazzy,

Truth,

2010-12-01T11:41:00.004+08:00

Hands over my head thinking 'what else could go wrong?'. Would've stayed in bed, how can a day be so long? I never believed that things happen for a reason. But how this turned out, you moved all my doubts and believe. That for you I'll do it all over again and fight it. Do it all over again. All I went through, led me to you. So I'd do it all over again just for you.

I missed the first train, stood out in the rain, all day. Little did I know. When I caught the next train, there you were to sweep me away. Guess that's what I've waited for

you,

Who ever thought a day gone so wrong, would turn out so lovely?. I'm so glad I found you. Even though the day went so wrong, I wouldn't change a thing. You will always being here beside me. Promise will taking a good care of me. Even I know, there is only a little hope for me.

Can everything change tomorrow?

November 25, 2010

2010-11-25T18:49:00.004+08:00

Hello fellas,

Lately I’ve been in such a irritable or annoyed mood. I get like this all the time particular having this stupid final week exam and I probably have some sort of seasonal depression. I don’t know it’s just like everything is getting to me. There’s a lot going on. This semester alone has not been a good one for me with school either, so that’s not helping. I’m not sure where my motivation is. I’m not sure why I get so irritated so freaking easily. I hate to say this too, but my best friend is contributing to my irritatedness. Made up word to describe it.

Ahhh, I don’t know. I’m probably a crappy friend for saying all this. I’m just someone who needs my space on the weekends after a stressful week. I think today is one my hardest time in my life. I totally hate it. I keep asking myself, why i am so stupid. Its just a programming paper man ! Shit. Before this I can score easily. But why today my brain being so rheumatic.

I keep on listening to Coldplay, Fix You. I think the lyric has something to do with me. I hate when everything will end up like this. Yeahh, i know. All those things happen there must be a reason. Hell yeah ! Two papers left. Analysis Ciruit and English for Communication. I am super duper fucking irritated with Analysis Ciruit. And I dont why.

Because I know, no matter how hard I try but still I cant even score A's for that stupid paper. Trust me. How can i survive at MIT, if i cant even do this paper. Right? Haihhh, what am i suppose to do. Shit ! I totally hate myself right now. I swear ! I already tried hard. why must eventually like this?

I'm sorry for not living up to your expectations, but is it really my fault you set them so high?

I Gonna Miss You,

2010-11-22T03:02:00.003+08:00

always will.

I can't never really tell you why i've been missing you a lot. And i have just to take another look of your photo. And there is no reason why i keep your t-shirt by my side when i sleep. It's like a missing star. That's always been up in your sky. It's like a rainbow never comes after the rain. It's like the sun never rises in every of your mornings. How am i supposed to live without those things,

There are all you.

Painful,

2010-11-18T19:30:00.006+08:00

I don't want to live this way. I don't ever choose to live this hard way. I am so sorry for hurting you. I already go deep inside on you, i search all about you so far. I realize that i am always make you hurt. Whether i am aware or not. I know, it must be hard for you to keep smiling in front of me. Just to showing that you okay. I know deep inside your heart, you feel so painful. I am too weak for you.

Just now, i cry a lot. My nose start bleeding. Yeahh, like i am said before. I am too weak. My pain is fixed and it can't be cure. Thanks for accepting all my weakness. Sorry for everything that i have done to you.

You are the first person who warm me and make me smile when i am facing my hardest time in my life. I want make a same things, I really don't want to see you sad or in pain. If not, who gonna cheer me up and make me smile again?

I really really love you and i will taking a good care of myself. I promise.

ayan story (:

Yes I Am,

2010-11-11T23:25:00.005+08:00

Wtf,

It's almost midnight and i'm beyond mad .

My friends called me , and i didn’t hear my phone because it’s on silent. But that’s not the point. Because i really don’t feel like talking right now.

I need to be free.

I’m not fucking 10 years old child. I know what i’m doing, I know the consequences of decisions i make. Don’t treat me like my opinions don’t matter when what we’re discussing has NO effect on you whatsoever, and everything to do with me. I’m sorry if my answers aren’t good enough for you but it’s MY fucking life, not yours.

I’m the only one who’s gotta live with the regret i’ll feel for not having done something. I’ve been living for everyone but myself for the past 5 years of my life, and i’m finally in a spot where i’m happy and loving my life because i’m living it for me and only me.

I’M HAPPY and that’s what fucking matters.

I’ve found that the people who truly love me for me are the ones who’ve stuck around through my good and bad. All the others just “loved” me for the endless help i was constantly willing to give them. In the end, i just want to know that i lived my life the way it was meant to be lived, and share it with the ones who deserve it.

“i believe that my life’s gonna see the love i give return to me.”

One more thing, i just want to say sorry to 'someone' that i might be hurt when i am getting mad a few hours before. I am soooo sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. But, i feels like being pervasive -_-"

I just don’t know how to keep living each day content with my life. In all honesty, my life is pure hell. I have so much to vent. But I’m too irritated to even talk about it.

whatever.

November 4, 2010

2010-11-05T08:43:00.005+08:00

4/11/2010

Hello peeps,

Gosh, time goes by so fast. I miss you so badly. Haihhh, I am just being too weird day by day. I am getting worst. Anyone there, please help me ! -_-"

Anyway, thanks for the moment we had yesterday. And thanks because treat my psychosis. That was really awesome oh. Seriously !

I wish i had more time with you. 25/8

Regardless, it was fun i had.

I am thankful for you.

i love you mok (:

You,

2010-11-03T22:25:00.007+08:00

My patience level have a limit. Don't ever try to raised my blood !

Omg ! Seriously i keep asking myself when are you going to stop. You're seriously making me think differently about you. Everyday you just make me getting annoying with you. You've been acting all weird and what not and trying to make me guess. Get to the friggen point already! I don't want to guess anymore, I don't care. Just tell me what it is that making you act so friggen weird because i am seriously i'm over trying with this friendship. You confuse me sooooooo much. Get it?! And i just don't get it. I don't care no more.

I try to be kind to you. Accept you as my bestie. Try to communicate with you. Because my heart keep telling me that its too hard for me to accept you more than friends. You get that?

I thought you already understand when I elucidate it once. But, it looks like I am wrong. You will never understand. Haihhh, why all being so complicated? Is it too hard for you to understand what is actually happen? Or you just pretend that you don't know nothing?

You really cause discomfort to me. Did you realize that ahh? :\

It seems that everyone is pissing me off these days. Wtf is happening to me?

i need your shoulder ayan, where are you ;'(

Autocad,

2010-10-28T20:09:00.009+08:00

Hello hello,

I just want to share my masterpiece yaww. HAHA. I am just a beginner. Not so pro. Beside, i didn't take this Autocad subject for this semester. I learn how to use this program from senior. Thanks yaww (:

I am using this program to redraw back my wiring diagram for Electric Project. This circuit designed for one house wiring. Means, from the main supply until the distribution system. That was not soooooo easy. I take almost 4 days to completed this task. Haihhhhh, -.-" Because i have to make it the wiring by my own. *depend on my creativity. I have to think wisely where should i put those live, neutral && earth wire. So that, there won't be any short circuit. Easy right? I guess so.

Not so good, i think. Because there is a lot of wire have been used. Makes it looks so complicated. Then i didn't change color of tin. But, En. Imam gave me highest marks oh ! I like it ! HAHA.

thanks (:

I hate Tuesday,

2010-10-26T21:20:00.004+08:00

Hello fellas,

I am just completely stressed out right now. All i want to do right now is sit here and cry like theres no end. I am completely exhausted every single day i come home. I am in 3 different shows. I never have time for a nap. I have to facing with finals next week. You can imagine, how afraid i was. I just want the world to stop. Just for 5 minutes! And let me relax. That's all i want. 5 minutes. I am completely in way over my head with those assignment. I have done it by myself, but lecturer said that i am just copy other people assignment. Because she's said, i am too relax. So? Worth is it to be tired? Hell yeahhh.

Even though i papers’ deadlines have been pushed back, i’ve been completely avoiding them. Obviously i have better things to do. I guess i am just putting myself into too many things that i can't handle. Sure live as university student is full with stressful. I am not saying i want my life to be completely stress free. But i am not also saying i want to be buried in 7 feet of assignment work, notes, wiring or either. I just want a life that balances. I don't mind doing my things for a few hours on certain days. But if every single day ? I don't think so. I am just, reallyyyy stressed. I probably make no sense because i am way too tired to care anymore. But i should totally stop.

LAME

Although, i feel so worst lately, thank you for awarding me with someone who always mindful and taking a good care about me.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have or could have had. No one waits forever.

i look so haggard.

its early, let me just go back to bed.

How Stupid I Was,

2010-10-25T01:13:00.004+08:00

I wish I am not Aqila Isa. Why? Live as Aqila Isa is too hard i guess. Its too complicated. This is sooo confusing. So dumb, i feel like a stupid teenage dirtbag. When i am in a mood this way i am at the moment everything i do i am ashamed of.

I am so stressed out, pissed off, depressed, lonely, and somehow hopeful all wrapped into one. Why do all of the worst things have to happen at ONE TIME? Can’t fate spread itself out evenly into your life? Having all of this to worry about at once is definitely not how I like my tea. And I’m afraid that if I put a sugar in I’m going to miss the point of having this tea taste so bad in the first place.

I wish my decision won't effect anyone. Seriously. If the fate said, i am not belong to anybody just to save my friendship, okay. I know what to do. I am not a toy get it? I didn't ask to be like this. I need a time, to arrange everything. There is a lots of things inside my head that i need to solve. I wish i never grow up.

My head, my body, my mind : is broken.

Sea of contradictions,

2010-10-24T18:43:00.004+08:00

I just realized I’ve been particularly moody today

In order to keep a good mental health one has to be angry every once in a while. Being constantly happy is such a fake. Every balanced individual on the surface of Earth gets upset a least five minutes per week. The ones who claim they don’t they are just plain liars or have some kind of dangerous mental distortion that keeps them far away from reality.

Being dissatisfied is one of the main pillars of our generation. We were born as nonconformist people. We always want more and more, mainly because we were raised in a consumer society. Even when we say that we are content with what we have, if we come to think of it, deep down we want more: more happiness, more welfare, more comfort.

Today is one of those days for me. I don’t feel exactly as I want more. I feel like I want it all right now. But with my feet on the ground I see that is not going to happen, at least in the following 24 hours so I start acting really childish and feeling upset.

I am being angry and feeling annoyed by people who are trying to be nice to me, just because I want to be left alone. Today I have no reason to be in a shitty mood. None at all. But I am being that silly and childish and have closed myself in the bedroom. I am not reacting badly to anyone, do not take me wrong. I am cool with people, I’m just annoying myself.

Have you ever hated yourself? I have. Today I despise my own being. So instead of i need have enough sleep (as I was supposed to) and get a good night sleep and wait for tomorrow wake up to a brighter day.

But i have done? I hang out my friends. Do something that no avail. And sure it can hurt myself. Why i keep torturing myself? Because i am sooo agonised when i have to stuck in this kind situation. I hate, when i have to choose. I am so friggin tired. Those freaking stuff keep whizzing in my head. What i suppose to do huh?

Why can’t I just make up my mind about how I feel? All I want to do is deal with this and move on, but I have to push things to the side for a while because I have six exams to deal with all in the next few days. So I’m stuck to listening to Coldplay’s “Trouble” on repeat because it’s a beautiful song that is perfectly suited to what I feel like about all of this. And the current weather as well, now that I think about it.

Yeahhh, i admit i super duper noob when it comes to show my love to anyone. So? Is that any problem with that?

Sometimes you're in one of those moods you just can't explain.

Disaster,

2010-10-22T23:45:00.004+08:00

Oh god ! please, letting time rotate slowly.

Okay now almost 1.20am. But i am still awake. Yehaaaa, why i have to study hard for this subject. My eyes totally hurts. I feel like i want to take them out and put inside the bowl filled with ice. And put it back. Ahhhhhh -.-"

My head feel so dizzy right now. Maybe because i didn't get enough sleep for this few days. I feels like my night and day overtuned. HAHA, style is it? I knew it.

I hate day of Friday. Just for this week. I hate to sit at a same place for a long time. Its being too cold and i am feel sooooo sleepy. Ohhhhh En. Rashid, can we solve it later? Why i have to present something that i never ready for.

Disaster, disaster && disaster.

I am totally depressed right now. My sister said i am stubborn. Is it? I just want to do it perfectly. Let me passed my Analysis Circuit with flying colors. -.-"

I wish I could hide and wish this was all gone.

Oh yeah, one more thing. I don't know how to persuade or convince you. Sorry, if i said something might hurt your feelings. Honestly, i like the way you treat me. Damn it ! I hate to say this 3 words. Okay la. Maybe i kinda ego, fineeeeeee i will let it go. Adoi ><

iloveyou mok ! HAHA

What A Blast Night,

2010-10-21T14:23:00.024+08:00

18th October 2010

Thank you at all which involved. I appreciate very much. Celebrate the happiness that friends are always giving, make every day a holiday and celebrate just living. I will always remember that night. Actually got more picture but, enough just this that shared with.

*to ayan ; stop psycho me okay. I can't sleep almost 3 days because of you T___T

ayan && aisya

iloveyou mok ! (:

ash, najwa, nisa, ariffa, haanee, asea, catt && shay.

Thanks for that precious night ^^.

Sadrina Roslan,

2010-10-17T20:11:00.015+08:00

Hello people,

Meet ; Sadrina Roslan.

Chubby and adorable. All the nature that make her special for me. She always there if i require someone to discuss. She will always sit loyally to hear my sigh. She accept me as it is. I love the way she talk to me. I miss listen to you calls me 'keding'. I really yearn time in Kosas once. Everything looks so happy. Everyone seems can accept me the way i was. I wish i can turn the time back for the past 4 years. And make it stop. So that, i won't be here.

Here, I have to faced with friend that feign. Crowded with falsehood. Here I perceived as a fake, liar and like smarmy. Hell yeah ! Haha, i wicked ones. And the rest all good like an angle. *fyi, i didn't mention anyone okay. If felt, that is your own business okay. There is nothing to do with me.

I hope, she can be with me forever. Stay as my sister for the rest of my life. I am very fortunate because i meet her. I will always miss her even though we far and seldom meet.

Thanks for everything :)

Sadrina Roslan ; iloveyou !

Enjoy last moment being a child,

2010-10-17T12:23:00.005+08:00

My penultimate day of being 17 years old is up.
I don’t know if because I’m hitting a milestone I should maybe change the way things are in my life or what?

I could say all the classic things: “I want to be a better person, get a better job in the future, donate money to charity, build a castle for my parents… yada-yada-yada-yada”

None of it means anything anymore. Its all very well saying it now, but everybody knows, come tomorrow, you’ll have forgotten everything you said.

I’m not kidding myself that getting to a total of 6,552 days old will change me instantly the moment the clocks strike midnight.

I need subtle difference.
I just want to take more in.

Absorb everything around me, put all of my efforts into the things that mean something to me, and steer my wasted effort on the things that aren’t beneficial to anybody.

My life has been a blur up until now, and the details seem lost in the defocus.
So lets sharpen up.
Turn it up a gear.
And live it right.

Here main points:

i turn 18 in 11 hour and 10 minutes.
i start my new 365 project tomorrow.
my hair is getting loooooong. so long.

that is all.

You’re not looking at a new me. Just a newer model.

Truth,

2010-10-17T00:14:00.003+08:00

Hello peeps,

In this few days, i keep thinking a same things over and over again. I don't know why. I keep telling myself, 'why you are too coward to tell the real stuff to them?' I always keep in my heart. Being too nice to everyone. Until it ruin myself.

What is fear actually? -.-"
Is it about it that makes my skin crawl? I don’t have a answer for it, but I can tell you that I hate it. It’s this feeling of losing control of everything around you. Losing yourself into the blackness. Losing your spirit into the abyss. Losing your senses to madness. Once fear gets a hold of you is like being trapped in a labyrinth. Many doors get closed right in your face.

Many exits become blocked. Anxiety becomes a drug that blurs your vision. And the right way becomes many wrong turns. You look for something to hold on to, but nothing is there. It’s simply your blind faith making you believe in illusions. The devil is grabbing you by your feet and dragging you in.

Time stops,
People move faster than usual. And still you remain at your normal pace. Just watching everything pass you by. While growing old and afraid. That’s what encompasses fear inside the hearts and minds of people. It’s a disease that consumes you if you don’t act upon it. It unravels all of your flaws and hidden quips. That you don’t want anyone to see, even those close to you.

What is my greatest fear?

Not being able to maintain complete control of myself. And scared that someone will eventually end up hurt because of me. That isolation feels like a sanctuary than being next to my friends and family. That someday, someone is gonna give me that little push needed to go berserk.

All that sounds complicated right? But, those were the effect when i have been controlled by fear. I admit, i getting out of control when i loose my patient. I am sorry. I am being so confused. Please, help me to out from this shackle. I been worst day by day.

Sometimes I wish I could fast-forward through time. Just to see if it will all be worth it in the end.

Fed up,

2010-10-12T00:53:00.004+08:00

God I needed this time off.

I'm sick, sure but to be honest, I think it was brought on by stress.

I thought this week i will feel better, but having this time has given me a lot of time for myself to think. This is never a good thing.

I spoke to my dad about this last Sunday. He told me, i have to find some fun when study. Try to control my temper and also my stress level. But i getting stress with those things happen on me. Study, friends, family and of course myself. I didn't realize how much i had been bottling my feelings up because as I was telling him, I was crying and being spazzy. I hate being like that. I really fed up with all the retards that are constantly surrounding me.

I try to satisfied everyone, but i can't. NOBODY can ! I hate when you use me as your TOYS. I not toys that you can use when necessary. Do not acting good in front of me. I am sick with you. You are just using me. I am not your slave okay?

This bullshit is really starting to annoy me. Try to drag me into their problems. What the?!

I need a break. Trying and keep trying to do the best is getting me nowhere! -.-" I am really hate this kind of things, that make my brain feel so blank. A coma might feel better than this. Is it?

Now, i have a lots of things that i have to finish it. But, i want off to bed now because i'm, too miserable and irritated by everything to be awake.

I just want to be happy for once. Is that too much to ask?

Hope,

2010-10-09T12:01:00.010+08:00

Hello fellas,

Yesterday i had 2 quizez and 1 test. Hmm, i am little bit down actually. But seems it came from my own mistake, so i just make it go. Try to start again. Try to don't give up. Yeahhh, i know. Its not so easy to catch up everything in last minute. But, i believe there is nothing impossible.

Like one of my friend header,

"Don't ever be despair. Don' ever lose hope. Because Allah always there with us."

I just being too lazy lately. Haihhhh, why? -.-"

Credit to my parents, for give me full of support. Even, i always disappoint you. They keep believing in me. T__T

Okay, now back to my day. This Monday, i will having Programming Test 2. Pffft, this is one of my craziest paper. I guess. Because, i not really understand what my lecturer elucidate since 5 weeks ago. So, since that. I just attending the class for fill up my attendance. So that i will get 10 marks for this subject. I have to study by my own. Through book. Haihhhhh, so much coding i have to understand by myself. Before this, test 1 i got the 3rd highest in the class. Among 39 students. Is it possible i will get it once again or better for this test 2? I hope so.

Next paper it will be Algebra. On Friday if i not mistaken. Hmm, i feel that i am not ready yet. Yeahh, looks like i can't answer all the question for Algebra quiz yesterday. It is only a quiz. But i can't manage to answer all those questions. Means, there a lots of things that i am not prepare yet. So, i have to take cover all that before this Friday. Ganbatte ! :)

So, next week will be a busy week for me.

Today i have to finish my 2 assignment. Autocad && Hubungan Etnik. *sighhhh.

Last word,

"Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it."

Wishlist,

2010-10-06T14:14:00.020+08:00

Hello troublemakers,

Here is my wishlist.

HAHA :)

1. Hayley haircut.

2. Leather Jacket (Mango)

3. Reebok shoes

4. Converse (Chuck Taylor) black in color.

5. Canon 5D

6. Blackberry Bold 9000 (white in color)

7. Leather Jacket (Topshop)

8. Bag (Roxy)

9. Bag (Adidas)

10. Watch (Fossil)

I reallyyyyyyyyyyy want those things very much !

10 things for my 18th birthday. HAHA, please ! Make my wish come true :))

Goodluck,

2010-10-04T22:32:00.005+08:00

Syarmine Aqila,

best of luck for you.

Exams are just only few hours left. Well i wish goodluck here .

Hope your memory is not falling , and you could remember alot of stuffs still .

Anyway , alot of stuffs happen these few days .

Well , shall wish my beloved sister a goodluck ! And please study hard for your examinations , and stop

playing .

Loveyou ! ^-^

GOODLUCK !

Reality?

2010-10-04T14:02:00.006+08:00

Hello fellas,

When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were thing like astronaut, president, or in my case, princess. When we were ten, they asked again and we answered - rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medallist. But now that we've grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how 'bout this: who the hell knows. This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions; it’s time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere chill. Fall in love - a lot. Major in philosophy 'cause there's no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again, because nothing is permanent. So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be, we won't have to guess. We'll know :-)

Until now, i am still hoping that one day i will know what are i meant to be.

Event,

2010-09-24T19:08:00.014+08:00

Wahh, i cant wait for tomorrow. It sounds like a big event for me :))

September 25, 2010

8pm, location ; Bangi, Selangor.